Things that make me worse, things that make me better

IMG_2123.JPG

Things that make me worse:

 

Being away from people I love.

Waking up at 4AM to eat a three-course meal.

January.

Crying in the shower.

Pretending.

Forgetting to drink enough water.

Comparing myself to others.

Fitness blogs.

Chaos and crowds.

Googling 'Kendall Jenner bikini pics'.

Staring at my thighs as if they're not part of my body.

Too much makeup.

Peer pressure.

Fear of failure.

Sinking my nails into my arms when I cry.

Waking up sad on a sunny, summer day.

Instagram.

Bad kisses.

Cold, windy days.

Cynics.

Boys who turn out to be assholes.

Girls who turn out to be assholes.

Dumbing myself down.

Shutting myself off.

Saint Saens.

Leaving crumbs all over the bed.

Convincing myself that someone doesn't like me.

Not doing enough.

Photoshop.

Regrets.

Bad auditions. 

Overworking myself.

Looking up the girl who made my life miserable in high school on Facebook.

Staying at the party even though I want to go home.

Things that make me better:

Eating cereal in bed.

Watching re-runs of Friends.

Asking for help.

Walking to the top of Primrose Hill and feeling very, very tiny.

My dogs.

Going for a long walk by the river.

Warm soup.

Writing it all out until it's not just in my head anymore.

Home (the place).

Home (the song).

Running in the rain.

Calling my mom/dad to have a good cry.

Calling my friends to have a good cry.

Good kisses.

Changing out of my pyjamas.

Smelling my favorite perfume.

February.

Dancing at 3AM by myself in my room.

Hampstead.

Dessert.

Extra portions of dessert.

Re-watching 'Wish I Was Here'.

My brother.

Shutting off my computer.

Christmas.

Singing in the shower.

Favourite books.

Making lists.

Fairy lights.

Ice cream cocktails.

Acknowledging the pain and giving it the respect it deserves.

Hot baths with candles and a jazz playlist.

Cleaning my room.

Tea and honey.

Waterstones.

Old diaries and boxes filled with memories.

John Mayer.

Re-reading JK Rowling's Harvard speech about failure.

Good poetry.

Bad poetry.

My happy music playlist.

Getting up from the floor.

journalAnna Myersmental health